Letter to My Parents

Dear Folks,

It was good to talk to you all on Father's Day, and to hear that everything is well in Falconer. One thing you mentioned, however, caught me somewhat off-guard that you were planning on being in Pullman during most of my vacation time. I would certainly enjoy meeting you there and visiting Chuck & Des & family (my brother and sister-in-law), but I had hoped to be able to spend some time with Tom (my younger brother) this vacation as it's the last time I will have an opportunity to see him before he is married. Also, I had hoped to have a long and very important conversation with you -a conversation I'm not sure you would welcome in the middle of your visit with Chuck and Dee. I should have had this talk with you a long time ago, but my mind was never clear enough on the subject and somehow I always lacked the courage to bring it up.

You see, I am a homosexual. Because the society around you has taught you from birth 1) what is "normal" and "acceptable" sexual behavior, 2) that anyone who does not conform to this "normal" sexual behavior is a deviate and is sick, and 3) that a homosexual is a contemptible, sick,lonely and frustrated person, you are undoubtedly shocked, confused and hurt to learn that your son is a homosexual. I am sorry that this hurts you, but you must see that this is not because of homosexuality per se but because of what society has taught you to believe about homosexuality.

their

The ban on homosexuality in our society goes back through our Christian heritage to the early Hebrews. They were a small nation, surrounded by large and powerful enemies survival depended on a steadily increasing population. Therefore they had to place a powerful religious and social taboo on all forms of sexual expression, homosexuality included, which did not result in procreation. Thus the only form of sexual expression they could encourage, and the only one our society overtly encourages to this very day, is the male-female coital relationship within the institution of monogamous marriage. In a day when increasing population is a threat to our survival it is high time we lift-

S 351 W MARKETI AKRON, OH

NFERNO

TANGS

all-guys'

bar

LENA at the ORGAN on weekends

ed this antique and artificial ban on homosexuality our views on the subject are in need of drastic revision. Homosexuality is not the result of maladjustment to the pressures of ado-, lescense, or of a poor family life, or of glandular disturbances or hormonal imbalances. In fact, it is not the result of anything. It is simply the recognition within the individual of the desire and capacity to love another of the same sex. Of course, my view of homosexuality was not always this open or healthy. The usual results of social pressures on the homosexual are confusion, guilt and self-hatred, and I was no exception.

-to

I first recognized I was gay when I was 15 but I did nothing but think and worry about it until I was. 20, during my third year at U.B. (University of Buffalo, N.Y.), Then I."came out," or openly admitted my homosexuality other homosexuals, that is. I still tried to keep up a pretense of being "straight" to the straight world. It was largely due to this "double-life" kind of existence, and my socially-induced view of myself as a sick person for being homosexual, that I had so much trouble that third year of college. It was during this period that I tried twice to commit suicide. Please remember that I am telling you this not to hurt you, though I know I must, but to help you see what I have been through, and why I think and believe as I do.

Lavender Starship/Page 3/May 10, 1972

A couple of weeks after I sent the letter to my parents I received a letter from home, written by my mother. She started off with two pages of family gossip, and then wrote the following paragraphs:

When I decided not to go back to college, the first problem I had to face was the draft. Here, for the first time, my being gay was of help to me. I simp ly told the Army I was gay and had attempted suicide twice, and they classified me 4-F. Then I ran right back up against the "double-life" problem because I didn't have the courage to tell you what I had done so I made up some line of bull and we went through the charade of you taking me to a psychiatrist. I was able to tell the whole story to him, and to the psychologist I was referred to for testing and counseling, but the paychologist was less interested in helping me admit to myself than in getting me to conform to society so I quit seeing him.

I tried in many ways to deal with my homosexuality, but I always ended up causing pain to myself and those around me because I still thought of homosexuality as a disease and hated myself for it. I can no longer do so. If I am to live a full and happy life I cannot hate and repress what is a part of me. I must accept myself for what I am only when I am at peace with myself can I extend peace and love to anyone else. I am continually discovering new sources of this understanding good friends, the literature of the Gay Liberation move-

"Each day I would think I must get a letter off to Peter, but found it was not something could do until I had a quiet moment to sit down and try to find the right words to exand now that it press how I feel is quiet the right words may not

come.

"First of all let me say what I really hope you know and therefore should not be necessary to say ve love you. And of course because we love you we hate to have you hurt which you already have been, apparently and factually from what you have said. We also want the best for you and I find myself fearing that your life style will be filled with difficulties. And of course on the other side I can see if your feelings of guilt and doubt are now resolved you can be a much happier more worthwhile person. I cannot honestly say to you Peter that I do not wish it were different, but I am not as shocked and confused as you might think."

She then went on to urge me to spend my vacation with them in Washington. All in all, it was a relief to get the letter. The tone was restrained and loving not at all the kind to tearful hysteria one might reasonably expect in such a case. Knowing that this phase of coming out is behind me makes it easier to deal with the myrlads of other problems that are involved in being gay in a straight male-dominated society.

FOR JOAN Sometimes when I am exhausted

I half-wish for a serene and steady love Without the pain Without the struggle When I was ordinary

I could love and be loved like that and be satisfied

but that was before

Women began to make a revolution before we saw we had to fight to change, to love, even to survive

I have told myself that loving you is like living on top of a volcano but that is wrong

it is like, and is,

living in the midst of the revolution raging, hurting, fighting fury whirling, dancing, laughing joy without the rage we cannot

ment, various religious teachings (especdestroy the past

ially the writings of Alan Watts).

I have written a great deal, and I'm sure this has been as difficult for you to read as it was for me to write. I am also sure that you must have many questions to ask and many things to say to me about this. Please write to me as soon as you can, and I will do what I can to help you come to an understanding of all this. One thing you must remember I am what I am: I can neither deny nor repress what I am, I can only accept and live it.

Hoping to hear from you, With love, Peter

reprinted from Iconoclast

without the joy we cannot build the future

you are the rage and the joy the anger and laughter you have freed me from an ordinary half-life of plastic Amerikan serenity because of you because of us

I am a revolutionary woman

Sharon

From Dykes for an Amerikan Revolution, a collection of poems available for 50¢ from:

Easter Day Press

224 "C" St., N.E. Washington, D. C. 20002